Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
