Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
