there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
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I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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