You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
