Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
