I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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