I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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