brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
