you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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