guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
