What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
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I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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