Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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