Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
two words...techno handjob
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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