maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
nutella sex= disaster
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
