My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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