So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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