Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
worst night to have a conscience
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
