guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize