the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
