Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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