And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
