a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
