Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
