I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
