I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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