made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought