i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.