Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem