glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...