tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.