I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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