Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Couch. On fire.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
