I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just pee around me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
