its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
