they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
