The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
are you so shy because you have an std?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
