Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize