I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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