something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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