C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.