I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test