What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
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He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha