Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
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IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.