I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
