How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
