So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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