Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
