I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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