that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
