guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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