If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She needs sedatives and a leash
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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