I wanna passion pit in your ass
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
