My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
