I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
