that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
