why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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