you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
