And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
