just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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