Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There r osticjed everywhere
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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