He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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