By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
is wine microwaveable?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
this hospital has no fireball
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
