I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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