there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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