There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I touched a dick in church today
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
