I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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