He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
