I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
