I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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