My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
