who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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