dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
