So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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