Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
