fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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