you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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