I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
