The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
last night I used snow as a chaser
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