like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
