i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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