i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you will always have a special place in my vag
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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