You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
