There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He? As in you personified your dick?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
